*Sigh*

Why do I feel like life is boring all the time? I know I have a lot of things to look forward too and to be grateful for, but why do I not feel happy? Is it because I come from a family with a history of depression from both sides? Does it have to do with the level of dopamine in my brain? Or is it just because I am an epic failure? Grr I hate it when I am like this but I never know what to do about it. Sometimes I go back to my grade six self and contemplate suicide, but I always realize it wouldn't help anything and would make the lives for the people who care about me harder and some would be guilt ridden. I know life sucks sometimes and it should or will get better, but when the slumps of crappy times comes its hard to look a head and see anything good. I always end up just wanting to stare at my feet and try to avoid the world entirely. Maybe school is just getting to me. I have no motivation for it but know I need to finish it to do anything with my life. So I guess as the saying goes it's time to just suck it up butter cup.